Funny Status for Whatsapp – Fun with Friends & Family

Read Cool & Best Funny Status for Whatsapp and Share with friends & family members. Below i am going to share some best collection of funny status. I hope you enjoy crazy funny lines after reading.

Funny Status for Whatsapp

  1. On the other hand. you have different fingers.
  2. Winter as Hell – I ordered a pizza and the messenger comes with a Jet.
  3. When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message, Or calling, Becomes the enemy.
  4. Yesterday I saw someone pushing a bottle of Schweppes into his ass, I said, “What are you doing ?!” He replied: “Schweppes: Drink Different.”
  5. I have a Impudent neighbor Knocking on my door at 2AM He’s lucky I was in a drum lesson.
  6. I saw a shampoo with the title: “Rich-looking” So I washed my purse.
  7. Even if you are a mass murderer, International rogue,and children Abductor,People Will Still bless you “continue to be who you are” in your birthday.
  8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  9. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
  10. Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver.
  11. Friction is a drag.
  12. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  13. Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
  14. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
  15. Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
  16. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it
  17. A man is as young as the woman he feels.
  18. With all this technology above and under, humanity still hunts down one another.
  19. If Relationship between man and women were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.
  20. “There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.” Josh Groban
  21. If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
  22. I am currently experiencing life at the rate of 15 WTF’s every hours
  23. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde
  24. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain
  25. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld
  26. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray
  27. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton
  28. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
  29. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill
  30. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite
  31. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres
  32. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
  33. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield
  34. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin
  35. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  36. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. George Bernard Shaw
  37. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen
  38. I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.
  39. I love that our effortless friendship matches my inability to answer messages on time.

Best Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
  2. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  3. Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
  4. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
  5. My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
  6. I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is. Scaring men is easy.
  7. I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  8. If people are talking behind your back, that’s a good time to fart.
  9. Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  10. Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  11. A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
  12. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  13. I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
  14. My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  15. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  16. Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
  17. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
  18. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
  19. “Employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
  20. Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.
  21. I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.
  22. I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”
  23. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
  24. You smell like hidden motives, get away from me.
  25. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Cool Funny Status Whatsapp

  1. Did you hear that joke that doesn’t offend anyone? Neither did I.
  2. You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.
  3. My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them. We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.
  4. You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.
  5. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  6. Never laugh at your partner’s choices. You’re one of them.
  7. It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
  8. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  9. An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist is afraid this might be true.
  10. I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.
  11. Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.
  12. “I’m going to bed” really means. “I’m going to lie in my bed and look at my phone.”
  13. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  14. You’re weird. I like you.
  15. God is really creative, I mean. just look at me.
  16. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
  17. My life makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.
  18. I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he’s still making fun of me.
  19. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  20. I like to stay in bed. It’s too “people-y” outside.
  21. Home is where my pants are not.

Whatsapp Short Funny Status Messages

  1. I’m not short, I’m a people McNugget.
  2. I’m in shape. “Potato” is a shape.
  3. I like dating older people because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me.
  4. Sleep is my drug. my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
  5. I don’t think my iPhone is working. I pressed the home button, but I’m still here.
  6. Girl, you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.
  7. Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I sure do.
  8. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  9. Walking my dog, we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.
  10. Can we please go back to the main menu of life? I think I accidentally chose “impossible” mode.
  11. I’m not fat, I’m fluffy.
  12. In search of sleep, sanity, and the Shire.
  13. Born at a very young age.
  14. I deserve a medal every day I don’t stab someone with a fork.

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